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By: Peter Jacobson So, over the last few weeks, I've heard about a ton of frustrations you guys have with parents in your program. I think it's safe to say dealing with difficult parents is not on anyone's list of favorite things to do as a coach! Let's look at this issue another way really quick: What do parents really want for their kids in life? Safety? Happiness? Growth - learning, improving and all that stuff? Sounds reasonable. I'll be totally honest with you: I never used to think about any of this. I was hired to be a wrestling coach. Not a parent, not a guidance counselor and not a family psychologist. It took a few years and some hard lessons (they're always hard when you're young and think you know it all!) to open my eyes a little bit. After a few seasons of poor results and difficult parents, it became clear we had a morale problem - mine! You know that moment when you start to realize people aren't going to just fall in line behind you because you have a title? That's where I was.
It may sound like a revelation to some of you (and it probably sounds like a "Duh!" moment to many of you!), but I came to the realization that if I wanted things to change for the better, I had to start considering the motivation of the other groups involved in our program. You know: our kids, their parents, our administrators, even my coaching staff. As soon as I realized it's not all about me, I started to think about things in a much more practical way... Starting with our parents: What do parents want for their kids from their sports experience? Here's a novel concept: why don't I ask them? So I started doing that. Sometimes you'll get some very surface level answers - not so deep - from the parents: They want their kid to have a starting spot, a lot of playing time, a lot of scoring opportunities, and so on... Here's two great follow-up questions, though: What do you want if you can't have what you want? What would you want for your kid from his sports experience if you couldn't get any of that surface level stuff? What do you think they'll say? Here's the kind of stuff they always talk about when I've asked them:
Now we're getting somewhere! I can't make every kid the star of our team, but a list like this is definitely something I can work with! Let me save you some time here (and hopefully save you some heartache too!), and give you the three biggest revelations I've learned about turning parents into raving fans who buy-in to your program, support what you're doing and actually make your life easier! Buckle up, buttercup. The Three Keys
For now, let's zero in on that first one. It's about your coaching philosophy and core values. Do you have them? If not, your team is just another activity scheduled on their kid's calendar. One of many. Want the parents to buy-in? You need to be different, especially for parents who haven't had transformational athletic experiences themselves. Where do you stand? If I asked you point blank, right now, what your program was all about - what would you say? What's your coaching philosophy? Your 15-second elevator pitch? What're your core values? Do you have them? Do your parents know them? Do your kids know them? Your coaching staff? Your AD? Your principal? You see my point. A lot of us have never really taken to the time to think through this stuff. I hadn't. Even for those who've done the hard thinking, have you shared your answers with everyone involved in your program? If not, what's it really doing for you anyway?! Now check this out... If you have core values, take a look back up at what parents have said they want most to for their kids. For most of us, these parents' responses bear a striking similarity to our core values. So what's the single most powerful way you can create buy-in from your parents? Let them know through your words and your actions that you're all on the same team - you want the same things for their kids they do! With that in mind, today, I have a challenge for you that I promise will make you a better coach and will make your program stronger: Take a few minutes, and come up with a set of core values that are meaningful to you, will lead your kids to success, and will inspire your parents, administrators and coaches to get excited about your program. It's Thursday morning now. Shoot me a quick reply with what you've come up with by this coming Monday 9/10, and I'll share a copy of our program's core values with you! Some tips to help you out:
Most interested in hearing about why you guys chose the values you did - having your reasons for each value is probably the most important part of this! Really looking forward to seeing what you guys come up with! Talk to you soon! - Pete P.S.Talked a lot today about thinking through the motivations of the different groups you communicate with as a coach - athletes, parents, administrators, coaching staff - the list goes on and on! Want to get better at this in a way that really moves the needle in your program? Definitely check out the best book I've read on this topic: Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a classic for a reason - should be required reading for any coach who wants to take his program to highest level possible! Enjoy!
Pete Jacobson - |
Turning Parents into Raving Fans of Your Program
Pete Jacobson has been a varsity HS coach in New York for almost 20 years. He also works with coaches of all levels through 
