Custom Communication

Provided by: Raise Your Game

We don't know what we're saying until we know how someone hears it. Communication is also about feedback - making sure there is a two-way exchange of ideas, perceptions, and feelings. Otherwise it's like screaming down a well. Steve Kerr,* former Goldman Sachs executive and a researcher on leadership development, once offered a fantastic metaphor. He told author Geoff Colvin that, "practicing without feedback is like bowling through a curtain that hangs down to knee level. You can work on technique all you like, but if you can't see the effect, two things will happen: You won't get any better, and you'll stop caring."

Customize how you talk to each person. Determine what type of communication is most appropriate for the situation and the individual. When is a private chat the right way, or when is addressing the team as a whole more effective? When is it appropriate to send out a mass text, and when should you talk to each person individually?

Today's technology allows us to communicate any way we want, so it's important, especially for young people, to develop interpersonal skills: Look people in the eye, have face-to-face conversations. Don't hide behind text messages. People defer to the easiest method of communication instead of the most appropriate. It's easy to text a coach and say you can't make practice - because it's one-sided. You don't have to deal with the other person on the end of the exchange. I'd argue that it's not communicating at all.

Someone once told me that if you find yourself saying, "I've told you a hundred times" and the person you're talking to is still causing the problem, maybe consider that you are the problem. Take ownership of the issue. Maybe the problem is on your end. Why else would you have to say something a hundred times? The proof is in the pudding: your message isn't getting through. The communication issue is on your end; make sure you adjust so that the next time you say it, the 101st, is the last.

Key Point: A team doesn't know what it doesn't share with each other. Whether through positive reinforcement, constructive criticism, or tone and body language, great teams understand the value of communication.

Remember:

• Communication ensures that teams will catch dissent, role conflict, or disunity before it becomes unmanageable.
• Our ideas and emotions are constantly in flux. The best communication is open, honest, and consistent.
• Don't forget that communication is about TRUST.
• The most important, and most often forgotten, form of communication is listening. Listen with empathy and purpose.
• Think about the most appropriate form of communication for a given person or situation rather than the most convenient. Customize and individualize what you say and how you say it.

* This is not Golden State Warriors' coach Steve Kerr.