7 Ways to Develop Mental Toughness in Your Wrestlers

By: John Klessinger, Head Wrestling Coach - South River HS (MD)

I have spent a significant part of the last 18 years answering the question - how do you develop mental toughness? I have read close to a thousand books on psychology, personal development, and mindset during this time. Learning about the brain and performance is my passion, along with coaching wrestling and physical training. With this all being said, I don't feel I am an expert. There is still so much out there that I need to discover. Most recently, I have been exploring books and information far different than mainstream methods. However, for the sake of this article, I will stick with practices that have helped my team and me over the years.

I listen to many interviews and podcasts from high-level athletes, performance coaches, and wrestlers (coaches and competitors). I think we can learn a lot about the mindset of an individual by listening to them talk about their performance. I have said this before but feel it is an excellent method to learn how people superior in their field think. The best time is to listen is when they are unedited and honest. Think Spencer Lee after the NCAA final match last year. "Excuses are for wussies." Right there is Lee's mindset. We can learn from that one simple statement. Not what he said but his beliefs. He believes in not making excuses and those that make them lack mental toughness. Or A.J. Ferrari. Looking at the content, aside from the comical display and 600-pound deadlift, you can tell he is open and enjoys wrestling. He wrestles like he is having fun, which translates to a higher level of mental toughness few have. He wrestles to win with no apparent fear of losing.

The list below is not new information or strategies. However, I may present them in a different way than what you have seen or heard. Through working with thousands of people, I have developed my own structure of sharing this type of information which may sound unique or original.

1. We get as physically tough as possible. The more physically prepared you are, the longer you can go in a match without fear of making mistakes because you are tired. Part of this being a good teammate. A good teammate competes hard, holds their teammates accountable, and helps others get physically tougher but not allow them to take shortcuts.
2. We do things out of our comfort zone often. However, the reality is we make the most growth when we do difficult things. It could be a tough workout or having that "hard" talk with a teammate. The fact remains the more often we do things uncomfortable, the stronger we become.
3. We change our definitions and vocabulary. Words and phrases are powerful. This is difficult or hard immediately sends a message that you will suffer. Instead of saying hard, label something as challenging. Immediately, the practice or workout now seems like an opportunity for growth, not a painful experience. For me, I like to use the word "fun." I have changed the definition of fun to mean anything that makes me better. I know that anything that requires work and effort will me make better. I also understand that those moments of difficulty and struggle build my character, develop resilience, and strengthen my mental toughness. Really, who doesn't think improving isn't fun?
4. Emotion is created by motion. A popular Tony Robbins saying highlights the power of our physiology. When you are nervous, stand tall, puff out your chest, and pull your shoulders back. Stand and move like someone who has confidence. There is a ton of research that shows how we move our bodies affects our moods and self-esteem. When you are in a bad mood, smile. It is tough to be angry or grumpy when you smile. When you are tired, sit up straight, stand up, or talk faster and louder. Almost instantly, you are invigorated and full of energy. Don't believe it. Try it. It is pretty powerful stuff.
5. Model people doing the things you would like to become. Like listening to interviews or podcasts, you can increase your mental toughness by adopting someone you admire's psychological and physical qualities. For example, suppose you want to be a better student, model the best student in the class or wrestler on your team. What are their habits? What do they do that makes them successful? What is their mindset? If you don't know them, listen to them in interviews or research them. Beliefs and habits are developed and chosen. You can adopt a new belief today and constantly reinforce it with repetition until it becomes a habit.
6. Be grateful. Gratitude is easy. Spend some time each day being grateful. Start your day listing 5- 10 pieces of your life that you are thankful for. It is uplifting to think about the things we appreciate and are grateful for. Gratitude can make a tough day a good day by simply recognizing that we have something in our life that we are thankful for. And if you can't think of anything, then ask yourself, "what can I be grateful for?" Trust me, you will be able to find something, and it can quickly change your mindset. Mental toughness is seeing that difficult experiences are something to embrace, not run from. We all have moments of being vulnerable and feeling weak. It is normal. Change the script, find something you can be grateful for in the situation instead of complaining, whining, or making excuses. Is it any secret that everything a Penn State wrestler is interviewed, they all express gratitude for the opportunity to wrestle?
7. Take full responsibility (for everything). When you take responsibility for everything in your life, your life will change, and it will change for the better. Taking responsibility is holding yourself accountable. It is not making excuses and blaming others for what is not going well in your life. "Excuses are for wussies."

Bonus-

If you want to be mentally tough, hang out with mentally tough people. There you will see the difference between them and others. Mentally tough people are not the norm. These days they are the exception. Hanging out with mentally tough people brings you up. They make you better. They bring a different perspective to something challenging. At the 2017 Campbell Wrestling Camp, Cary Kolat told the campers some advice that has stuck with me ever since. First, he said, "be the last person to complain." When others are complaining about a challenging workout or the cold, resist complaining. Just the fact of not complaining when others are increases mental toughness. Next, he told the story of pumping gas in the frigid cold. He used it as a strategy to develop toughness when he was younger. The next time it is cold, take off your gloves and press and hold the gas handle. Don't put the lever that automatically pumps the gas. Instead, hold the handle and know it is one small step to increase your mental toughness.