Coaching Yourself: Controlling Your Anger

By: Rainer Martens and Robin S. Vealey

Originally Published in: Successful Coaching

Provided by: Human Kinetics

The very nature of sport—the potential for injustice and for physical and mental injury—increases the likelihood of coaches experiencing anger. Anger is a completely normal emotion that we all experience, but we have a choice in how we respond to it. We can be out of control and respond destructively, or we can be in control and respond constructively.

Coaches are most often angered when they perceive injustice to themselves or their team. Anger is often directed toward officials because they are the judges and juries of sport. Anger also arises when coaches perceive an intent to injure their athletes or themselves physically or mentally by demonstrating disrespect through insults and humiliation tactics. Coaches also experience anger when their autonomy and personal space are invaded or their self-worth and integrity are threatened.

When you experience anger, you can respond in one of the following three ways:

1. Spontaneously and destructively
2. Purposefully and destructively
3. Purposefully and constructively

Spontaneous and destructive anger often takes the form of yelling, swearing, pushing and hitting, or more serious violence. Of course, nothing constructive comes from expressing such rage. It destroys your credibility and damages relationships, and it's a poor model of behavior for your athletes and others who observe such behavior.

Another way to respond to anger is to be in control of yourself but to engage in destructive behavior. With what may best be termed hostility, you may choose to make condescending remarks or use sarcasm, put-downs, and hurtful humor to retaliate. This form of anger focuses on revenge by hurting those who angered you.

Of course, the optimal choice is to respond to your anger in a purposeful and constructive way. Consider these points:

• Anger is a common and appropriate emotion in some situations. How you respond to this emotion is under your control. You can choose to respond constructively or destructively.
• Learn what triggers your anger. Avoid those situations, if that's a reasonable choice, or prepare yourself mentally to respond more constructively to these triggers.
• Change the way you think. You may think that you should always be treated fairly, maybe even a little more fairly than others, and that it's awful and terrible if you or your team is treated unfairly. Change that thinking by recognizing that destructive anger achieves nothing positive! Use logic to defeat your angry emotions. Remind yourself that the world is not always fair, you do not always get your way. Accept frustration and disappointment; don't let them turn to anger.
• Problem-solve. Feeling angry is appropriate and healthy under certain circumstances. Rather than respond destructively, identify ways you can solve the problem constructively.

If anger is a serious problem for you, perhaps damaging your relationships with family and friends or holding you back in your career, a clinical mental health professional could be helpful to you.