Seven Tips to Effective Conflict Resolution

Seven Tips to Effective Conflict Resolution

By: Doc Robyn

Originally published in Fastpitch Delivery Magazine - www.NFCA.com

All of us experience disagreement and conflict in our lives. Unfortunately, the vast majority of us have never had any training on how to address and resolve a miscommunication or disagreement; situations become a hodgepodge of ignoring the problem, talking in circles, screaming matches and in extreme cases physical violence. People leave teams, quit jobs and end marriages because of unresolved conflict.

The recent challenges at Rutgers University highlighted the lack of conflict resolution skills at even the highest levels. If the people in charge of teaching young adults don't have these skills, where do we expect our student-athletes to learn them?

The answer is simple, they can't and they don't. Those lucky enough to have a coach who can teach them or wise enough to pursue conflict resolution skills on their own have a huge advantage in the rat race.

There are seven tips to managing and resolving any disagreement:

1. Keep your cool
Did you know that the emotional center of your brain can flood the logic center with chemicals and override it? It's true - Ever heard something fly out of your mouth and immediately regret it? To keep that from happening you have to be able to catch it. Your body warns you before things escalate to that point. The key is to recognize your internal signals that a situation is about to get out of control. Does your heart beat out of your chest? Maybe you feel hot or flushed. Some of people report their stomach or shoulders being tight. Only you know what yours are. When you feel it happening you will know you need to take a breath, bite your tongue and give your brain a chance to logically process what is happening.

2. Listen
Oh but in the heat of a disagreement it is so much more fulfilling to talk! If you are always talking or thinking about what you want to say how will you ever understand what the other person needs or wants? Listening to understand them (not just so you can respond and disagree) will do two things: one - allow you to determine where you have common ground and, two - give them a chance to vent their frustration and become calm enough to have a conversation rather than a confrontation.

3. Share your story, don't tell theirs
How often do you start a sentence with the word "you?" You've heard the line "if I wanted your opinion I would tell it to you." That happens when a sentence starts with the word "you." If someone interrupts you, rather than saying "You're not listening to me!" try "I'm not feeling heard." Share your thoughts, ideas, feelings and observations as first person opinions starting with the word "I;" keeping in mind that the collective reality is likely to be different from your individual perception.

4. Ask for their perfect solution
Who knows, you just might be able to give them what they want. Of course you might think their solution is completely ridiculous and unreasonable. Hear them out and avoid rolling your eyes.

5. Share your solution
Keep in mind the reverse of the above comment applies.

6. Take a time-out
There is no law that says every disagreement must be solved in a single conversation. Recognize when things are escalating to the point of going in circles or stagnating and take a break. Don't just walk away. Let the other person know what you are observing and suggest a 11 time to come back to the conversation.

7. Find common ground and implement
This will likely require some compromise on both sides. But it is much easier to find a winning hand when all the cards are on the table.

It goes without saying that talking about and understanding how to engage in effective conflict resolution is much easier than actually doing it in a real situation. Like any other skill it requires practice. I have done whole workshops that focus on helping teams with these seven steps and it is not uncommon to go over them again and again in refresher sessions. So don't be disappointed if you have to remind yourself of them several times.

Are you making the time to give your team the skills to make them better teammates today and successful adults in the future?

As always, I wish you the most from your potential!
Doc Robyn