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Originally Published in: The Coach's Bulletin Board It's not what we say, but what they hear. "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." (George Bernard Shaw) NEGATIVE words lead to a negative culture. Learn to listen and listen to learn. "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." (Stephen Covey) "Leaders who don't listen will eventually be surrounded by people who don't speak." (Andy Stanley) Communication is a two-way street. "If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear." (Mark Twain) "Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know." (Jim Rohn) For effective communication to occur, the audience must interpret your message the way you intended for it to be interpreted. "Everybody communicates; few connect." (John C. Maxwell) "No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next." (Edgar Watson Howe) If you're not listening; you're not learning. "In almost every situation there is something we do not know. Simply carrying that awareness into our conversations creates intentional space for curiosity and discovery, which often yields better results." (Betsy Butterick) "The words you speak shape your culture. Lead and communicate intentionally." (Kevin DeShazo) Social media doesn't change people, it exposes them. "Half the world is composed of people who have something to say but can't, and the other half who have nothing to say but keep on saying it." (Robert Frost) "When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new." (Dalai Lama) It's not what we teach, but what they learn. "When I think of Red Auerbach and the leadership he provided, I think of someone who not only had a supreme basketball mind but a great set of ears." (Bill Russell) "Every man I meet is in some way my superior, and I can learn from him." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc). Subtracting the 7% for actual vocal content leaves one with a 93% statistic of communication without words. "One of the sincerest forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say." (Bryant H. McGill) "If you choose to be a 'tough love' coach, it is crucial to the relationship that you show the love before bringing the tough." (Betsy Butterick) Communication works for those who work at it. "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." (Mother Teresa) "Every time I stand to communicate, I want to take one simple truth and lodge it in the heart of the listener. I want them to know that one thing and know what to do with it." (Andy Stanley) Good listeners are not good by accident. "Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life." (Brian Tracy) "When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective." (Stephen Covey) We must remember to be as clear, positive, relevant, and productive as we can with our communication. We might also need to communicate the same message repeatedly using different methods. The goal of communication is not that we did it but that our message is interpreted correctly by whatever audience we are addressing. "Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't." (Bill Nye) "Nothing in life is more important than the ability to communicate effectively." (Gerald Ford) If you're able to talk, then you're able to be a verbal leader. Leadership is just influencing and helping people get from where they are to where they need to be. Everyone can inform, encourage, and remind. You don't need to be a rah-rah type. A good relationship starts with good communication. "The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." (Peter Drucker) "Communication builds trust. Trust generates commitment. Commitment fosters teamwork. Teamwork delivers results." (Jon Gordon) Asking questions is often better than providing answers. "Listening is the gateway to empathy. Empathy is the gateway to understanding. Understanding is the gateway to connection. Connection is the gateway to influence. Influence is the touchstone of leadership. Leaders start by listening." (Betsy Butterick) "Verbal communication is essential to understand what is going on inside other people. If they do not tell us their thoughts, their feelings, and their experiences, we are left to guess." (Dr. Gary Chapman) Communication needs to be correct (true), productive (positive), relevant (timely), and clear (simple). "Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning bow to read, write, and speak. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right? If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. In doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. Consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before they finish communicating. Do any of the following sound familiar? You might be saying, "Hey, wait a minute. I'm just trying to relate to the person by drawing on my own experiences. Is that so bad?" In some situations, autobiographical responses may be appropriate, such as when another person specifically asks for help from your point of view or when there is already a very high level of trust in the relationship." |
Communication
