How To Deal With Unsportsmanlike Parents

How To Deal With Unsportsmanlike Parents

By: Holly Van Vlymen - Head Coach, Western Illinois Univ.

Provided by: NFCA

"One man practicing good sportsmanship is far better than 50 others preaching it." - Knute Rockne

Sportsmanship has become a hot topic in today's society. Whether you're watching a little league, high school, club or college game, you see acts of both good and bad sportsmanship on the field and in the stands.

My experience in collegiate coaching over the past 15 years has taught me that if you want to have good sportsmanship from your team, parents and spectators, it starts with the coaching staff. While the game is going on, your team, your parents and your spectators are watching you to see how you carry yourself and treat the opponents and officials.

As the head of your program, not only do you need to "walk the walk," you also need to "talk the talk" to your players and their parents when it comes to your expectations with sportsmanship. Communication is key, both with your players and parents, when explaining your expectations of sportsmanship.

Every year we have a meeting when school begins. At this meeting we go over our team rules, expectations and overview of what our season will look like. We talk about how they are an elite group of young women who have the privilege to compete at Western Illinois University.

The privilege of athletics participation results in team members being held to a higher standard of conduct than the rest of the student body, and team members will represent the program in a positive manner in all areas of student life. In our expectations, we talk about pride and respect. This is an excerpt from that section:

We are representatives of Western Illinois University therefore; we will carry ourselves and our actions with class. Profane and abusive language will not be tolerated Team members are not allowed to talk to or taunt officials and/or opponents. We will treat our opponents with respect, winning and losing graciously. Cheering is encouraged, if it is in a positive tone.

I mention the student-athletes first, as they are the gateway to the parents. They can help let the parents know what we expect of them, so it can trickle down from there.

I have had discussions with several college coaches that have communicated with parents via a parent letter and/or have a parent meeting at the beginning of every season to explain their program and expectations they have in several areas. This is something that I will be implementing this season, which will allow me to vocalize my expectation of sportsmanship within our program.

The sportsmanship piece of our parent letter/meeting will include our team rules and expectations in regards to sportsmanship, the definition of good sportsmanship, the Parent's Sportsmanship Code of Ethics, the consequences of bad sportsmanship and tips for displaying good sportsmanship in front of their daughters.

The definition of sportsmanship is fair play, respect for opponents, and polite behavior by someone who is competing in a sport or other competition. Conduct (as fairness, respect for one's opponent, and graciousness in winning or losing) becoming to one participating in a sport. Sportsmanship is respect - respect for others and one 's self. Sportsmanship is the "golden rule" of athletics - treating others as you wish to be treated.

Having a Parent's Sportsmanship Code of Ethics is crucial as well. This spells out exactly what you expect out of your student-athletes, parents and fans. Things that it could include are:

• Understand that a ticket to a sporting event is a privilege and not a license to verbally or physically attack others (including players on either team, coaches, officials, etc.).
• Respect the game and know the rules.
• Respect the judgment and strategy of the coach, do not second-guess.
• Treat all players, coaches, officials and opposing fans as you would want to be treated.
• Applaud good plays by the opposing team as well as your own.
• Keep things in perspective, our players are not professionals (yet).
• Show respect for an injured athlete, regardless of which team she plays for.
• Avoid profanity and obnoxious behavior.
• Censor fellow spectators who display negative behaviors.
• Understand that you are an ambassador of our program and school.

Let the parents know that if they demonstrate unsportsmanlike behavior they may be asked to leave the stands, the playing field and/or the campus/park where the games are being held. If your institution has any specific rules about unsportsmanlike behavior, be sure to let them know.

It's important for parents to know how they can display good sportsmanship and help their daughter learn good sportsmanship as well. Parents may not realize that their actions and reactions potentially play a bigger role than a coach's actions and reactions. Coaching players over the past 15 years, I can see that the players tend to have temperaments and sportsmanship behaviors very similar to their parents. Here are a few ideas how parents can model good sportsmanship:

• Let the coach do the coaching, but help with some teaching. When your daughter is on the field let the coach do the coaching. Off the field, you can help with teaching sportsmanship and dealing with success and failure. Help them understand life skills that sport can bring to the forefront

• Be supportive of coaches. In front of your daughter be supportive and positive of coaching decisions. If she has a problem with the decisions, encourage her to talk directly with the coach. Depending on the age you coach, it may mean the parent has a discussion with the coach to understand decisions that were made.

• Recognize good performances by teammates and opponents. Allow your daughter to see that you appreciate a true awareness of the game and good athletic ability.

• Be mindful of your role as a role model. Take an honest look at your actions and reactions in the athletic arena. Make sure these actions demonstrate how you want to represent yourself, your daughter and her institution.

Sometimes you will have to deal with a parent who is displaying or has displayed bad sportsmanship. The sooner you can respond to the behavior, the less likely it will get out of control. Again, your athletes are watching how you handle this situation, so it is very important to remain calm and in control when dealing with unsportsmanlike behaviors. Here are some tips when dealing with parents in that situation:

• Stay calm. Be firm, but calm. Getting upset with parents who are already upset will just add fuel to the fire.

• Respect personal space. Give the parent their personal space and avoid any threatening mannerisms.

• Empathize. Sometimes it helps to recognize the difficulty of what you are asking.

• Invoke a higher standard. Remind them of your expectations. People tend to respond to a higher standard.

• Perfection is not required. If you stammer, are abrupt or if the words come out wrong it's okay, you are the leader of the team and need to let parents know what is acceptable and what is not.

• When all else fails, if you have done all you can do to handle the situation and it still gets out of control, ask for help from your administration.

By having transparent expectations both for the team and the parents written out and/or presented, giving the parents a code of ethics and having tips on how to display good sportsmanship, your parents will better understand your expectation of the type of behavior they need to demonstrate. Hopefully this will help alleviate any major unsportsmanlike issues and will allow parents to police themselves, since they all know the expectations.

However, if you do notice any issues, it is crucial to nip them in the bud quickly so that behavior doesn't spread like wildfire.