Sideline Behavior: Controlling the Sideline and Behavior and Parents

Parents!

By: John Dorr, MD

Provided by: NSCAA

In the May-June issue of Soccer Journal there was an excellent article by Jason Pratt "On Controlling Your Sideline - the One with the Parents on it" He stressed that the behavior of the coach and what he/she modeled had a big impact on how the parents behaved. I fully agree with him but feel one should be even more direct in how parents are allowed to behave.

Early in my coaching career, I was with my U14 girls' team at a tournament when I became aware that one of the dads was yelling at the referee. He had not been to our previous games as he coached his son's team. "Tim, on this team, we don't yell at the ref. Do I need to pull Carly off the field to explain it to you?" "No! No! No! Don't do that! I promise I will be good." I had discovered my key to controlling parent behavior on the sidelines.

I have always insisted that my players not argue with or complain to the ref. If they do, I bench them. I tell them that unless their full attention is on playing the game, they are letting their team down. It doesn't take the bench long to teach them what is expected. I also set an example for them and do not say anything to the ref during a game.

At my beginning of the season meetings with parents I explain to them my expectations for their children's behavior on the field and that they will be learning self control. I tell them that if they start yelling at the ref from the sideline, they will make it harder for their child and they will be hurting the team. I tell them that if I hear them yelling at the ref, I will bench their child, tell them why they were benched, and guarantee them a lovely evening. As we can all get emotional during a game, I encourage parents to remind each other of the expectations. I also tell my players that if one of their parents tends to yell, remind them of the consequences.

At the end of the first game one Saturday, one of my high school dads lost it and starting yelling at the players. I had not specifically prohibited that so I waited until the end of the game and talked with his daughter. "Wow, your dad was really yelling a lot today." "Yeah." "Looked like it really bothered your play." "Yeah, it did." "Do you want to fix it?" "Oh, yeah!" "Okay, you go home and you tell your mother you will not be allowed on the field until your dad comes and talks to me."

About 20 minutes before the second game, her 6-foot-4 dad came up trying to look small and said, "I hear I am in trouble." "Oh you bet you are, I said Now, I know you want what is best for the girls, so let's talk about how to do it better." He did not argue with my suggestions.

When I first started coaching a high school boys' team, one of the fathers of my incoming freshmen was notorious for yelling at refs. He was one of the first to come to our parents' meeting. "Oh, you're Jeff. I hear you have a real passion for this game. I am going to teach you how to use it right." For the JV games, I would patrol the parents' sideline. At one game I caught him congratulating the ref for making a call that favored our team. I said that was unacceptable as it was drawing attention to the ref. Occasionally, when his frustrations got high he would walk away from the field and kick a tree. At the end of the season banquet he asked me if he was going to get an award as the most improved parent. I said that if I had thought of it, he would receive it and then asked if he had enjoyed the season more than previous ones. He admitted that he had.

For one of my high school boys' games, we had a weak ref. The players were getting hot and one of the players took out our goalie, breaking his leg. I had all my players sit where they were, and after getting the goalie splinted and to the sideline, I told my assistant coach to walk the parents' sideline and tell them that the field was a powder keg and that if they yelled at the ref or the other team, the game might explode and to do so in a loud enough voice that the other team's parents could hear him as well. He stayed with them for the rest of the game and the sideline was remarkably quiet.

I have been at tournaments as a spectator where parents have been yelling at players and refs. This should not be tolerated. I quietly tell them that if things get out of hand on the field, they will be responsible for any injuries that occur. My comments are usually not appreciated but do seem to have some impact. I feel we all have an obligation to support sportsmanship and appropriate behavior and should not tolerate abuse. Too often we remain quiet when we should be speaking out.