Originally Published in: THE LEADERSHIP PLAYBOOK

It is not just enough to lead yourself effectively, you must also have a positive influence on others, John C. Maxwell says, "A leader without a follower is just someone taking a nice walk." If you are a captain or an upperclassman, this will be obvious. However, if you are a player that doesn't have any kind of positional leadership, then this might seem difficult to do. You understand that you have to lead yourself and you are committed to doing what is right. But, lead others? How are you supposed to do that?

Every player has close friends on their team. You might not be good friends with every one of your teammates, but you do have some close friendships. Those are going to be the people that you lead most effectively. We are influenced by people that we like and trust. You might not be able to influence every member of your team but you will be able to lead some of them. Those of the ones that you need to focus the majority of your attention on. Your positive (or negative) influence will be most evident among your circle of friends.

The first step to being a leader is to lead yourself. The next step is to lead others. In particular, those that you are closest to. If you are leading yourself the wrong way, then you will lead your friends the wrong way. You will either be the ringleader of bad choices or you will allow poor choices to be made while you remain quiet and approving of the actions.

Ultimately, you will become like the people that you hang out with the most and they will become like you. The ideal situation is that you and your friends are influencing each other in a positive way. If this is not the case, then the question becomes, who will have the most influence? Even in situations where a group of friends is not all positive influences, there is still some type of influence going on. Either you are influencing your friends positively or they are influencing you in a less than positive manner. You must lead others positively in order to have a chance to create their championship culture on your team that you desire. Granted, you can't do it by yourself.

You also can't lead everyone because you won't have a friendship or a strong connection with everyone on the team. Those you have the strongest connection with are the ones that you will be able to lead most effectively. You might say, "The team won't listen to me" and you might be right. However, your friends will listen to you. The wonderful thing about that is you just might be starting a chain reaction that ends up with the whole team.

Listening to you without them even knowing that. It is rare that a group of friends is completely self-contained and doesn't have strong relationships with others. For example, your three closest friends all probably have at least one other person that they are close to that you aren't as close with. This ripple effect is how your influence can eventually influence an entire team.

By: Tommy Brown

Provided by: One Heartbeat

I believe in mental toughness. It's what I do for a living teaching teams, leaders, and individuals how to push through obstacles, develop resilience, and refuse to quit when things get hard.

And let's be honest: people need to be tougher. Myself included. We live in a world where too many give up at the first sign of adversity. Grit matters. Perseverance matters. Without them, no one achieves anything worthwhile.

But here's the problem: you can be mentally tough without being mentally healthy.
Pushing through pain, suffering in silence, and pretending everything is fine that's not toughness. That's denial. And denial doesn't just hurt you; it can cost you everything.

When Grit Becomes Dangerous

Mental toughness has been glorified for years. We celebrate the athlete who plays through injury, the executive who burns the midnight oil, and the coach who never lets emotions show. But what happens when toughness becomes a mask?

I'll never forget one of my toughest basketball players an All-American. When he played for me, he was the last person I would have ever expected to struggle with mental health. He was confident, relentless, and mentally tough in every way. But after his playing days were over, he faced battles that no one saw coming.

The same thing happened to Michael Phelps. The most decorated Olympian of all time the very definition of grit and perseverance struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. He had spent his whole life mastering physical and mental toughness, yet after the 2012 Olympics, he found himself in a dark place, questioning whether life was worth living.

If someone as mentally tough as Michael Phelps can struggle, what does that tell us? It tells us that toughness alone isn't enough.

Mental Toughness and Mental Health Are Not Opposites - They Are Partners

Success isn't about choosing one or the other; it's about knowing when to flip the switch.

1. Grit is essential. It pushes us through the hard days, helps us fight for our dreams, and makes sure we don't quit when things get uncomfortable.
2. But toughness without self-awareness is reckless. The strongest people aren't the ones who pretend everything is fine they're the ones who know when to reach out for help.

Take Grundy, my rescue pitbull. He survived alone in the woods for over a year, enduring starvation, predators, and injury. His grit kept him alive. But when we brought him home, he was still trapped in survival mode. Toughness had helped him endure, but healing required something else trust, care, and support.

We're the same way. Grit can get us through the storm, but we can't thrive if we never let ourselves recover.

Building a Culture of Mental Toughness AND Mental Health

So how do we get this right? How do we create a mindset that values toughness while also recognizing when help is needed?

1. Redefine Strength
   Strength isn't just pushing through it's also knowing when to take a step back and get help. The toughest leaders, athletes, and professionals understand this.
2. Check on Your "Strong" People
   The ones who seem the toughest are often carrying the heaviest loads. Ask. Listen. Let them know they don't have to carry it alone.
3. Encourage Grit But Not at the Expense of Well-Being
   Great teams, families, and businesses thrive when they expect toughness but also create space for honesty and support. High standards and high empathy can coexist.
4. Normalize Seeking Help
   Michael Phelps didn't find healing by ignoring his struggles. He found it by getting help, opening up, and realizing he wasn't alone. That's real strength.

The Real Test of Mental Toughness

Grit matters. I believe that with all my heart. But grit without mental health is a ticking time bomb. We have to stop acting like toughness and vulnerability are enemies. The greatest athletes, leaders, and warriors in history have all known when to fight through and when to seek help.

So ask yourself:

• Where do you need to push harder?
• Where do you need to stop pretending everything is fine and get support?

About the Author

Tommy Brown is a speaker, coach, and the founder of One Heartbeat, where he helps teams, businesses, and athletes develop the mental toughness to perform at the highest level without sacrificing their well-being. A former college basketball coach, Tommy has spent years studying grit, leadership, and team culture, working with championship-winning programs and corporate leaders.

His upcoming book, Sadie and Grundy: Unleashing the Power of Grit and Empathy in Life and Leadership, explores the balance between resilience and compassion through the story of his two dogs Grundy, a rescue pitbull who survived alone in the woods for over a year, and Sadie, a Goldendoodle whose unwavering empathy saved him in return.

Tommy also leads The Be Grundy Foundation, which fosters resilience in individuals particularly female athletes while supporting dog rescue efforts.

For speaking engagements, workshops, or more on mental toughness and leadership, visit OneHeartbeatWarriors.com, or connect with Tommy at tbrown@oneheartbeatwarriors.com.

Scan – eyes left to right, outside in, check formation, personnel, down & distance, and tells.

Zoom – eyes to primary key, defensive player is looking through a scope.

Snap – eyes to the secondary key.

Snap is always the same but zoom and snap are dependent on a player’s position and the defensive call.