By: Kevin M. Bryant, CMAA

Many times, in my 35-year career in college and high school athletic administration I have heard coaches share their frustrations about their athletic director. While I would like to think that I was immune from such conversations, I know there were coaches on my various staffs that had varying degrees of appreciation, respect, and positive feelings about me personally and our work together. I can honestly say that I tried to be and do my best each day for each of my staff but that does not mean that every coach received everything they needed from me, despite my best efforts. Like you coaches, often despite your many sacrifices, late nights, early mornings, off-season work, fundraising, parent issues, not every student-athlete would say you were a positive and impactful person in their lives. That is not easy to live with at the end of the day. Our goals as coaches and ADs are to be the best teammates we can be to serve our student-athletes and communities. What follows are a few thoughts from one AD's perspective as to how YOU can make the coach-AD relationship the best possible.

• Start with unconditional warm regard. As we are often encouraged to do with our assistant coaches, parents, and student-athletes, despite past incidents, approach the AD-Coach relationship with Unconditional Warm Regard for your AD. Both AD/Coaches are under tremendous stress daily. With so much going on we can assume the worst about the AD vs. the best. ADs need to grow and be better, seems like the AD takes a growth mindset toward their jobs, they have a chance to grow every day with complexity they face. Give your AD room to grow and do not assume the worst when something goes awry. Start here as you work with your AD.
• Details matter. As you share with your team(s) you have expectations of what it means to be a GREAT teammate. I always communicated and deeply felt that my coaching STAFF was my team. I was the head coach so to speak. We often get myopic, my sport, my facility etc. An AD sometimes has 70-100 coaches and 20 plus sports to manage. Be on time with your requested items. Whatever it might be. When asked to do something related to information and details take care of it. This builds trust and respect between you and the AD. Remember the phrase, poor planning on your part does not make it an emergency on mine. Be on top of the details of your program.
• True friends stab each other in the front! Great relationships are not just the job of the AD; relationships are a two-way street. If you have a frustration with your AD do not share it with everyone but the AD. In fact, if you want a GREAT relationship with your AD it should begin and end with your AD. Nobody else needs to know. You are just as responsible for the climate and culture of our athletic department as the AD. Again, if you want your athletes to act this way, you are the model of confidence and trust to them.
• Treat your AD like a teammate. I loved it every time I was invited to a team meal, post-game meeting, coaches meeting, celebration, birthday party, pre-season BBQ etc. Does not mean your AD can make it to all, but I was always honored to be asked and included. My constant goal as HS AD was to make it to as many games, home and away in every sport as humanly possible. That was one way I could visibly thank my coaches, was by showing up. When your AD shows up thank him or her for coming. Lastly, I love gear like any sport related person. Your coaching shirt, sweatshirt, tee shirt, hat etc. I LOVED. Another example of how you treat your AD like a teammate.
• Work through the fact that you have a boss. As humans we often push back against leadership in our lives. We have a million reasons for this, he/she (AD) did this, or did not do this etc. so you allow that to become a barrier ( See 'Unconditional Warm Regard' above). My world view tells me (and I see it every day) I am selfish and self-centered to the core of my being. That is called being ethnocentric or thinking I am the center of my own universe. You as a coach are heroic in my mind because every day you are doing your best to form a team from selfish and self-centered student-athletes. That is heroic, challenging and worth our best efforts each day. Drop your guard, and be teachable, humble, and be willing to be led. Your athletes are watching you to see, do you DO what you tell us to do in your own life?
• Say thank you. Kevin Hoffman in CAD magazine in June 2018 authored an article titled "Dear ADs: Show appreciation for your coaches". Basically, he said coaches are looking for respect and appreciation from their ADs. Guess what, ADs are looking for the same thing in return from their coaching staff. It does not take much effort to take a moment, and thank an AD for their work on your behalf, and that of your coaching staff, program, and student-athletes. Time spent on HS athletics is not a contest between the AD and you as coaches. But it is easy to head toward, "my AD has no idea how much time, effort, money I put into this program etc." I would say in return, unless coaches have sat in the HS AD chair you have no idea about the other side of the equation either. Find ways to appreciate each other is not just an AD responsibility.
• Culture is how we think, act, and interact. It might appear that the AD is solely responsible for the athletic culture at your school, however, the AD cannot help to create vision or energy around the athletic program without your investment in it. As coaches you are the ones who are living out the athletic culture in the lives of your assistant coaches and student-athletes. As you have said many times to your own athletes, attitudes are contagious, is yours worth catching? Be someone who is a true believer in your athletic culture and you are a constant example of living into the culture.
• Unasked for advice always comes across as criticism. A good friend of mine gave me this "advice" years ago and it has helped me enormously with my own 30-something children, my wife, and close friends. I try to live this out every day. If you want feedback, ask for it from your AD. Let them on the inside of your joys, frustrations, and desire to improve. Your willingness to share what is going on inside of you is a gift. I ALWAYS came away with great appreciation and thankfulness for my coaches from these conversations. Even if the information shared with me was how I could be and do better.
• Deal correctly with your expectations of your AD. Unmet expectations often result in either anger or depression. We are disappointed that what we thought was going to happen did not. We know this intrinsically from all of our working relationships, family, friends etc. Expectations need to be agreed upon to have a basis to accomplish them or live them out. You and I really have no basis for either anger or depression over unmet expectations if we have not communicated them and have agreement on them. Check yourself before you get angry or down about things related to your AD if you have not done this. As you become better at communicating your expectations you might be surprised by the results of that work with your AD.
• Character is more than a word. If we were able to get everyone reading this in a room and brought up words like character, sportsmanship, and leadership as the words were mentioned we would see "bobble heading" take place around the room as each person acknowledged these words as they connect to sport. However, nearly every person would have a differing definition of these words. Sport participation does not teach Character just by participating like some kind of osmosis. The research shows that the higher one goes in athletic participation the less morally developed they become, because winning becomes the highest value. Former UCLA basketball coach, John Wooden's college basketball coach was asked how his team would be that year, he said in response, "Ask me in 20 years." My hope for each of you is that 20 years from now your former athletes will remember far more than just the technique and tactics of sport. However, they will not unless you make sure you teach it just like you teach sport skills, intentionally. Character has two parts: Performance character (be on time, work ethic, teamwork, sacrifice, resilience) and Moral Character (Honesty, Justice, Respect, Responsibility and Love). You know how you teach sport skills: demonstrate fundamentals and then correct repetitions toward automation. This will happen with character too if you decide that you want to teach values intentionally like you do with technique and tactic of sport.

This work we are all about is exciting and potentially life-changing for those you are coaching. You and your AD can be powerful allies in this joint pursuit of impacting high school student-athletes. Perhaps one or two of the ideas mentioned in this article will help you to develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with your AD. I certainly hope it does, thank you for your daily work and passion around sport and student-athletes. Each one of you have enormous potential to be a person of lifelong impact in the lives of others.

"Sport has the power to change the world. It has the power to inspire; it has the power to unite people in a way that little else does. It speaks to youth in a language they understand. Sport can create hope, where once there was only despair. It is more powerful than governments in breaking down racial barriers. It laughs in the face of all types of discrimination."
Nelson Mandela, 2000

About the Author

Kevin Bryant, CMAA, is an adjunct professor at Pacific University (Forest Grove, OR.) in Sport Leadership and Management (SLAM). Pacific is an NCAA D-III school. Bryant was named Athletic Director of the Year twice in the State of Oregon (2005, 2020) and has received two national awards from the NIAAA and NFHS for his work on a local, regional, and national level in high school athletics. Bryant is married to Sara for the past 43 years, is the father of three children now in their thirties and he and Sara have enjoyed their two grandchildren, Oliver 9 ½ and Blythe 6 ½. Besides loving his SLAM students, he is an avid Spin Biker and Pickleball lover. He can be reached at brya6641@pacificu.edu.

  ]]> https://coachesinsider.com/wrestling/how-coaches-can-develop-an-outstanding-working-relationship-with-your-ad-7/feed/ 0 122946 https://coachesinsider.com/wrestling/hip-heist-drill-with-jeremy-spates-southern-illinois-univ-edwardsville/ https://coachesinsider.com/wrestling/hip-heist-drill-with-jeremy-spates-southern-illinois-univ-edwardsville/#respond Wed, 03 Jun 2026 07:03:13 +0000 https://coachesinsider.com/?p=114081 Watch as Coach Jeremy Spates explains and demonstrates the Hip Heist Drill. The wrestler will pop up, start to circle left, then hip heist the bottom leg and come under. He recommends not bringing the bottom leg back over the top, but hip heisting the outside leg under. The focus is on making it hard to ride, moving the hips while using the feet.

Jarion Beets was previously a coach at Ponderosa High School (CO).

By: Tommy Brown

Provided by: One Heartbeat

I believe in mental toughness. It's what I do for a living teaching teams, leaders, and individuals how to push through obstacles, develop resilience, and refuse to quit when things get hard.

And let's be honest: people need to be tougher. Myself included. We live in a world where too many give up at the first sign of adversity. Grit matters. Perseverance matters. Without them, no one achieves anything worthwhile.

But here's the problem: you can be mentally tough without being mentally healthy.
Pushing through pain, suffering in silence, and pretending everything is fine that's not toughness. That's denial. And denial doesn't just hurt you; it can cost you everything.

When Grit Becomes Dangerous

Mental toughness has been glorified for years. We celebrate the athlete who plays through injury, the executive who burns the midnight oil, and the coach who never lets emotions show. But what happens when toughness becomes a mask?

I'll never forget one of my toughest basketball players an All-American. When he played for me, he was the last person I would have ever expected to struggle with mental health. He was confident, relentless, and mentally tough in every way. But after his playing days were over, he faced battles that no one saw coming.

The same thing happened to Michael Phelps. The most decorated Olympian of all time the very definition of grit and perseverance struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. He had spent his whole life mastering physical and mental toughness, yet after the 2012 Olympics, he found himself in a dark place, questioning whether life was worth living.

If someone as mentally tough as Michael Phelps can struggle, what does that tell us? It tells us that toughness alone isn't enough.

Mental Toughness and Mental Health Are Not Opposites - They Are Partners

Success isn't about choosing one or the other; it's about knowing when to flip the switch.

1. Grit is essential. It pushes us through the hard days, helps us fight for our dreams, and makes sure we don't quit when things get uncomfortable.
2. But toughness without self-awareness is reckless. The strongest people aren't the ones who pretend everything is fine they're the ones who know when to reach out for help.

Take Grundy, my rescue pitbull. He survived alone in the woods for over a year, enduring starvation, predators, and injury. His grit kept him alive. But when we brought him home, he was still trapped in survival mode. Toughness had helped him endure, but healing required something else trust, care, and support.

We're the same way. Grit can get us through the storm, but we can't thrive if we never let ourselves recover.

Building a Culture of Mental Toughness AND Mental Health

So how do we get this right? How do we create a mindset that values toughness while also recognizing when help is needed?

1. Redefine Strength
   Strength isn't just pushing through it's also knowing when to take a step back and get help. The toughest leaders, athletes, and professionals understand this.
2. Check on Your "Strong" People
   The ones who seem the toughest are often carrying the heaviest loads. Ask. Listen. Let them know they don't have to carry it alone.
3. Encourage Grit But Not at the Expense of Well-Being
   Great teams, families, and businesses thrive when they expect toughness but also create space for honesty and support. High standards and high empathy can coexist.
4. Normalize Seeking Help
   Michael Phelps didn't find healing by ignoring his struggles. He found it by getting help, opening up, and realizing he wasn't alone. That's real strength.

The Real Test of Mental Toughness

Grit matters. I believe that with all my heart. But grit without mental health is a ticking time bomb. We have to stop acting like toughness and vulnerability are enemies. The greatest athletes, leaders, and warriors in history have all known when to fight through and when to seek help.

So ask yourself:

• Where do you need to push harder?
• Where do you need to stop pretending everything is fine and get support?

About the Author

Tommy Brown is a speaker, coach, and the founder of One Heartbeat, where he helps teams, businesses, and athletes develop the mental toughness to perform at the highest level without sacrificing their well-being. A former college basketball coach, Tommy has spent years studying grit, leadership, and team culture, working with championship-winning programs and corporate leaders.

His upcoming book, Sadie and Grundy: Unleashing the Power of Grit and Empathy in Life and Leadership, explores the balance between resilience and compassion through the story of his two dogs Grundy, a rescue pitbull who survived alone in the woods for over a year, and Sadie, a Goldendoodle whose unwavering empathy saved him in return.

Tommy also leads The Be Grundy Foundation, which fosters resilience in individuals particularly female athletes while supporting dog rescue efforts.

For speaking engagements, workshops, or more on mental toughness and leadership, visit OneHeartbeatWarriors.com, or connect with Tommy at tbrown@oneheartbeatwarriors.com.